Well, the RNC is over! And I think we’ve seen just about enough of what the Republican party has been reduced to under the so-called leadership of Donald Trump. It’s time for America to choose. Do we want a courageous leader like Joe Biden, who when he falls down, gets back up — whether he falls down going up a flight of stairs or trying to go up the flight of stairs again or even just walking across a room — he gets back up as many times as it takes to cross that room.
Or do we want to descend to the level of a man like Donald Trump who when he falls down — because, you know, he’s been shot in the head by a bullet from an AR-15 sniper rifle — sure, he gets back up, but then he spits the bullet out, and shakes his fist at death and shouts, “Fight, fight, fight,” which frankly is just divisive.
I, for one, was appalled by the RNC and its rampant display of Christian white nationalism, and Sikh white nationalism, and bi-racial rapper woman white nationalism, and even black white nationalism from people like Tim Scott who has so internalized white supremacy that he expects to be treated just like everybody else. It’s disgusting.
And then there was Vivek Ramaswamy — and who even knows what the hell color he is with a name like that. It must be seven syllables at least, the guy could be purple for all we know. And this Rama whatever-his-name-is had the gall to stand up at the RNC and say that Americans should be able to disagree with one another openly and then still treat each other with respect, which is against everything the Democrat party stands for. Democrats understand that here in America, people are free to disagree with us, then be called racist, then be banned from YouTube and other social media, then be summoned to HR, fired from their jobs, and have their homes raided in the early morning hours by armed federal agents so they can be charged with any crime we can drum up, then spend the rest of their lives being harassed by screeching men with pink hair, face piercings and tattoos, who are taking female hormones until they turn into screeching women with pink hair, face piercings and tattoos who are indistinguishable from all the other Democrat voters.
We will not allow some purple-faced Vivek Hamahooney to weaponize the First Amendment by using it to give a voice to people with other opinions than our own. That’s not who we are as Americans.
WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show
While Republicans were at the RNC, wearing silly cowboy hats and screaming belligerently about their radical MAGA agenda of cutting taxes and standing up to our enemies, our president Joe Biden was having a civilized conversation with NBC’s Lester Holt. And sure, we couldn’t understand what he was saying half the time either, but the point is, he was setting a good example by sitting right there in close proximity to an almost black man and condemning Donald Trump for saying there would be a bloodbath and there were good people on both sides of the Charlottesville riots. And it was incredibly inspiring to see how Lester Holt respected this president so much that he didn’t once interrupt him to point out that none of that was true, which is what we expect from journalists. Because as Democrats, we believe that, if you don’t nod with servile conformity while we’re lying to you, you ain’t black. Or whatever Lester Holt is, you ain’t that either. Basically, if you don’t nod with servile conformity while we’re lying to you, as far as we’re concerned, you ain’t a journalist at all, no matter what color you are.
So in conclusion, I am personally calling for four more years of Joe Biden, or whatever fraction of that time he’s got left. Because as President Biden himself said in his speech to the NAACP, “This country is gala-zeeben anyway to garoon the finchin fanchin booben deebee dobby.” And that’s exactly why President Biden will remain the Democrat candidate. Because we Democrats know that if you ever understand what we’re actually saying, we’re in deep trouble.
* * *
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. He is the bestselling author of the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The third installment, “The House of Love and Death,” is now available. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “The Andrew Klavan Show.”
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.
[#item_full_content]
[[{“value”:”
Well, the RNC is over! And I think we’ve seen just about enough of what the Republican party has been reduced to under the so-called leadership of Donald Trump. It’s time for America to choose. Do we want a courageous leader like Joe Biden, who when he falls down, gets back up — whether he falls down going up a flight of stairs or trying to go up the flight of stairs again or even just walking across a room — he gets back up as many times as it takes to cross that room.
Or do we want to descend to the level of a man like Donald Trump who when he falls down — because, you know, he’s been shot in the head by a bullet from an AR-15 sniper rifle — sure, he gets back up, but then he spits the bullet out, and shakes his fist at death and shouts, “Fight, fight, fight,” which frankly is just divisive.
I, for one, was appalled by the RNC and its rampant display of Christian white nationalism, and Sikh white nationalism, and bi-racial rapper woman white nationalism, and even black white nationalism from people like Tim Scott who has so internalized white supremacy that he expects to be treated just like everybody else. It’s disgusting.
And then there was Vivek Ramaswamy — and who even knows what the hell color he is with a name like that. It must be seven syllables at least, the guy could be purple for all we know. And this Rama whatever-his-name-is had the gall to stand up at the RNC and say that Americans should be able to disagree with one another openly and then still treat each other with respect, which is against everything the Democrat party stands for. Democrats understand that here in America, people are free to disagree with us, then be called racist, then be banned from YouTube and other social media, then be summoned to HR, fired from their jobs, and have their homes raided in the early morning hours by armed federal agents so they can be charged with any crime we can drum up, then spend the rest of their lives being harassed by screeching men with pink hair, face piercings and tattoos, who are taking female hormones until they turn into screeching women with pink hair, face piercings and tattoos who are indistinguishable from all the other Democrat voters.
We will not allow some purple-faced Vivek Hamahooney to weaponize the First Amendment by using it to give a voice to people with other opinions than our own. That’s not who we are as Americans.
WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show
While Republicans were at the RNC, wearing silly cowboy hats and screaming belligerently about their radical MAGA agenda of cutting taxes and standing up to our enemies, our president Joe Biden was having a civilized conversation with NBC’s Lester Holt. And sure, we couldn’t understand what he was saying half the time either, but the point is, he was setting a good example by sitting right there in close proximity to an almost black man and condemning Donald Trump for saying there would be a bloodbath and there were good people on both sides of the Charlottesville riots. And it was incredibly inspiring to see how Lester Holt respected this president so much that he didn’t once interrupt him to point out that none of that was true, which is what we expect from journalists. Because as Democrats, we believe that, if you don’t nod with servile conformity while we’re lying to you, you ain’t black. Or whatever Lester Holt is, you ain’t that either. Basically, if you don’t nod with servile conformity while we’re lying to you, as far as we’re concerned, you ain’t a journalist at all, no matter what color you are.
So in conclusion, I am personally calling for four more years of Joe Biden, or whatever fraction of that time he’s got left. Because as President Biden himself said in his speech to the NAACP, “This country is gala-zeeben anyway to garoon the finchin fanchin booben deebee dobby.” And that’s exactly why President Biden will remain the Democrat candidate. Because we Democrats know that if you ever understand what we’re actually saying, we’re in deep trouble.
* * *
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. He is the bestselling author of the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The third installment, “The House of Love and Death,” is now available. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “The Andrew Klavan Show.”
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.
“}]]
