By now, everyone across the continental United States and beyond has heard about Matt James and Rachael Kirkconnell’s breakup. It has been over a month since Matt made their breakup public on Instagram, but the breakup itself has sparked some interesting internet conversations. One particular topic that has been hotly debated stems from the couple’s dating timeline, spanning four years. The subject in question: How long is too long to wait for a ring?
First, it’s worth noting the beginning of this couple’s relationship story. Four years ago, Matt gave Rachael the final rose in his season’s finale of “The Bachelor.” But by the time the last episode aired, she was getting cancelled and torn apart in the real world after photos surfaced of her in an antebellum dress at a Southern-themed formal in college. This was during 2020 and all of its absurdity, only a few months after the BLM protests. Rachael was publicly shamed, Matt broke up with her, and he then proceeded to explain just why he was so disappointed in her on national television. In the world of pop culture, the absurdity of our nation culminated in the final episode.
Craig Sjodin via Getty Images.
In the last episode, “After the Final Rose,” Matt told Rachael, “When I’m dating someone, I’m on track to get married.” (He had, after all, signed up to be on a show intended to end in an engagement.) Teary-eyed, she explained he was the only reason she decided to be on the show, to which he responded, “I don’t want to be emotionally responsible for those tears.” He did not stand by her nor acknowledge that perhaps the comments being thrown at her were simply untrue based on her actions alone — dating a black man and loving him deeply. While that could have been evidence enough to prove the racist accusations were false, the internet had convinced him otherwise. There was a lot of fallout, fallout which included ABC firing the show’s iconic host, Chris Harrison, because he came out in support of Rachael. Many of us, myself included, were done with the show after this. To be honest, I never loved the show to begin with.
Unsurprisingly, the whole ordeal turned out to be a performance — an effort on Matt’s part to please the mob — because their breakup didn’t last long. They started dating again pretty quickly after that episode aired and have been dating ever since. Over time, their relationship became beloved, and people continued following along their journey as Matt made public remarks about engagement rings, marriage, and his future with Rachael. Needless to say, everyone was shocked when they suddenly broke up, including Rachael, who says they had been discussing marriage and kids just a week prior.
WATCH: “The Comments Section with Reagan Conrad” on DailyWire+
This opened the floodgates for commentary, which mainly centered around the length of time they had dated, with the general consensus being that Matt wasted her time, especially knowing how badly Rachael wanted to get married. Most speculated that Matt had known he wasn’t ready but continued reaping the benefits of being with such a beautiful woman and receiving unending support from her.
Rachael has since said that it was not until three years into their time together that she asked where the relationship was going. It seems everyone on the internet agrees that should have been a conversation from the jump. Some women online have been encouraging girls to leave a relationship if they don’t receive a ring after three years; others have encouraged leaving if the woman has not been assured by her boyfriend that he intends to marry her by at least the six-month mark.
One particular TikToker succinctly summarized the situation:
@victoria.alario love isn’t dead, you just need to raise your standards #fyp #forthegirls #mattjames #rachaelkirkconnell #breakup #thebachelor #relationship
Love isn’t dead. That’s not the takeaway here. As TikToker Victoria Alario explains, Matt and Rachael’s breakup is a lesson “as to why you don’t let anyone keep you as a girlfriend” for years without a plan. Though it did not come to this, Victoria says she would have broken up with her now-husband had she not received a ring at the two-year mark — but not because she didn’t love him. She knows she would have been heartbroken. But she would have been even more heartbroken over the fact that he knew — and essentially ignored — her longing to get married, have kids, and build a life together. A “real man,” she says, would have given Rachael an answer, an accurate timeline, so she could have made an informed decision.
The key in relationships is communication. Communicate what you want and what you don’t want. This alone can save what could turn into years of wasted time. Matt’s choice to break up with Rachael does not make him a villain; what is questionable, however, is the point at which he decided he could not see her as his wife and how long he withheld that information. Choosing not to share that kind of realization? To know that yet act differently? That is villainous.
Unfortunately, too many people related to this situation, which should tell us we need to shift our outlook on what dating actually is. For so many couples, the first year is a time to simply hang out, get to know each other, and have fun, which isn’t inherently a bad thing. But it is in the lack of intentional conversations and actions that the purpose of dating gets lost. Would you rather have difficult conversations that may result in a breakup now than too far down the road after your lives have become more intertwined, leaving you to feel as though you have wasted years? In the end, that would be much more painful.
Be aware of the potential purposeless period of dating, and avoid getting lost in the day-to-day fun and friendship. Dating without a purpose is like a ship without a compass floating along, perhaps not even in turbulent waters, but one that is certainly not headed toward its destination. The key is to create and communicate a plan. Set goals in a relationship and have the hard conversations — then, have them again. Establish a purpose in your relationship from the onset, and then work toward that outcome. It might end up saving you years of your life, and most importantly, get you anchored to the right person.
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[[{“value”:”
By now, everyone across the continental United States and beyond has heard about Matt James and Rachael Kirkconnell’s breakup. It has been over a month since Matt made their breakup public on Instagram, but the breakup itself has sparked some interesting internet conversations. One particular topic that has been hotly debated stems from the couple’s dating timeline, spanning four years. The subject in question: How long is too long to wait for a ring?
First, it’s worth noting the beginning of this couple’s relationship story. Four years ago, Matt gave Rachael the final rose in his season’s finale of “The Bachelor.” But by the time the last episode aired, she was getting cancelled and torn apart in the real world after photos surfaced of her in an antebellum dress at a Southern-themed formal in college. This was during 2020 and all of its absurdity, only a few months after the BLM protests. Rachael was publicly shamed, Matt broke up with her, and he then proceeded to explain just why he was so disappointed in her on national television. In the world of pop culture, the absurdity of our nation culminated in the final episode.
Craig Sjodin via Getty Images.
In the last episode, “After the Final Rose,” Matt told Rachael, “When I’m dating someone, I’m on track to get married.” (He had, after all, signed up to be on a show intended to end in an engagement.) Teary-eyed, she explained he was the only reason she decided to be on the show, to which he responded, “I don’t want to be emotionally responsible for those tears.” He did not stand by her nor acknowledge that perhaps the comments being thrown at her were simply untrue based on her actions alone — dating a black man and loving him deeply. While that could have been evidence enough to prove the racist accusations were false, the internet had convinced him otherwise. There was a lot of fallout, fallout which included ABC firing the show’s iconic host, Chris Harrison, because he came out in support of Rachael. Many of us, myself included, were done with the show after this. To be honest, I never loved the show to begin with.
Unsurprisingly, the whole ordeal turned out to be a performance — an effort on Matt’s part to please the mob — because their breakup didn’t last long. They started dating again pretty quickly after that episode aired and have been dating ever since. Over time, their relationship became beloved, and people continued following along their journey as Matt made public remarks about engagement rings, marriage, and his future with Rachael. Needless to say, everyone was shocked when they suddenly broke up, including Rachael, who says they had been discussing marriage and kids just a week prior.
WATCH: “The Comments Section with Reagan Conrad” on DailyWire+
This opened the floodgates for commentary, which mainly centered around the length of time they had dated, with the general consensus being that Matt wasted her time, especially knowing how badly Rachael wanted to get married. Most speculated that Matt had known he wasn’t ready but continued reaping the benefits of being with such a beautiful woman and receiving unending support from her.
Rachael has since said that it was not until three years into their time together that she asked where the relationship was going. It seems everyone on the internet agrees that should have been a conversation from the jump. Some women online have been encouraging girls to leave a relationship if they don’t receive a ring after three years; others have encouraged leaving if the woman has not been assured by her boyfriend that he intends to marry her by at least the six-month mark.
One particular TikToker succinctly summarized the situation:
@victoria.alario love isn’t dead, you just need to raise your standards #fyp #forthegirls #mattjames #rachaelkirkconnell #breakup #thebachelor #relationship
Love isn’t dead. That’s not the takeaway here. As TikToker Victoria Alario explains, Matt and Rachael’s breakup is a lesson “as to why you don’t let anyone keep you as a girlfriend” for years without a plan. Though it did not come to this, Victoria says she would have broken up with her now-husband had she not received a ring at the two-year mark — but not because she didn’t love him. She knows she would have been heartbroken. But she would have been even more heartbroken over the fact that he knew — and essentially ignored — her longing to get married, have kids, and build a life together. A “real man,” she says, would have given Rachael an answer, an accurate timeline, so she could have made an informed decision.
The key in relationships is communication. Communicate what you want and what you don’t want. This alone can save what could turn into years of wasted time. Matt’s choice to break up with Rachael does not make him a villain; what is questionable, however, is the point at which he decided he could not see her as his wife and how long he withheld that information. Choosing not to share that kind of realization? To know that yet act differently? That is villainous.
Unfortunately, too many people related to this situation, which should tell us we need to shift our outlook on what dating actually is. For so many couples, the first year is a time to simply hang out, get to know each other, and have fun, which isn’t inherently a bad thing. But it is in the lack of intentional conversations and actions that the purpose of dating gets lost. Would you rather have difficult conversations that may result in a breakup now than too far down the road after your lives have become more intertwined, leaving you to feel as though you have wasted years? In the end, that would be much more painful.
Be aware of the potential purposeless period of dating, and avoid getting lost in the day-to-day fun and friendship. Dating without a purpose is like a ship without a compass floating along, perhaps not even in turbulent waters, but one that is certainly not headed toward its destination. The key is to create and communicate a plan. Set goals in a relationship and have the hard conversations — then, have them again. Establish a purpose in your relationship from the onset, and then work toward that outcome. It might end up saving you years of your life, and most importantly, get you anchored to the right person.
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