Love is a deep and profound concept, both at an individual level and in society at large. Though a marriage based on companionship and attraction was not a readily accepted idea until, arguably, the Victorian era, the first marriage ceremony took place over 4,000 years ago. The evolving and historical practice of marriage — and love’s role in it — is perhaps most easily mapped through literature, as it reflects societal norms of its time. To name a few, both Plato (428-348 BC) and Aristotle (384-322 BC) parsed thoughts on love, the book of Numbers tells of Zimri and Cozbi’s story (and subsequent demise), William Shakespeare constructed an entire play around star-crossed lovers with “Romeo and Juliet” (1597), C.S. Lewis drew on the Greeks and Christian commentators’ thoughts to describe the types of love in “The Four Loves” (1960), and the “Twilight” series spent 274 weeks on the New York Times best-seller list in the early 2000s.
The stories of star-crossed lovers — Zimri and Cozbi, Romeo and Juliet among them — have enticed people to believe and even engage in relationships set up for failure, usually in the name of passion. After all, no records document Zimri and Cozbi as married, and Romeo and Juliet knew each other for all of 24 hours before their marriage ceremony. But what of relationships set up for success? Vampire Edward and human Bella certainly seemed to be on a star-crossed path headed for doom, but they took matters into their own hands, setting themselves up for success. They found a way to make their relationship work “till death do us part” — or, in their case, for the long haul of immortality.
In more recent years, Dr. Jordan B. Peterson has contributed to history’s collection of tales on love and marriage, the most obvious of which being his series “Marriage” in which he draws on both his clinical and personal experiences. In it, he teaches how to avoid a star-crossed path and, instead, pursue one that leads to fulfillment. Love is a complex notion. It takes a brilliant mind to discuss the role of one’s values in the act of love, to acknowledge the extent to which it affects consciousness, and to analyze how love can be applied practically in life. As an acclaimed clinical psychologist, author, educator, and Professor Emeritus at the University of Toronto, Dr. Peterson is that mind. Yet he is not of mind only. He is one of heart. Peterson approaches the subject of love as a father and husband, having married his wife in 1989 (two years before earning his PhD in clinical psychology). Even after all he has accomplished in his career, he still proclaims his marriage, his intimate relationship, to be the best part of his life.
You can divide your life into thirds: an intimate relationship (that is, marriage), family, and career — according to Peterson’s rule of thumb. In the present day, society generally views the trajectory of love between significant others as one which culminates in marriage. He believes a “profound and properly integrated and oriented intimacy” is found in the state of marriage, with love being a beautiful and foundational element to it. And he addresses love as both a verb and a noun. Merriam-Webster defines love as a verb meaning “to hold dear; to feel passion, devotion, or tenderness for; to take pleasure in; to touch or handle in a tender or loving manner.” The noun “love” is defined, “as in affection; darling; liking.” Essentially, marriage is an opportunity to act out love reciprocally in relation to the person with whom you have fallen in love.
In his “Marriage” series, Peterson parses thoughts on love in marriage, describing love as:
A Permeated State
Love is a “grace, a gift of God,” and when you fall in love, you experience what it is like to care for someone and receive care in return. When you enter into marriage, you engage in an act of faith. In a marriage, you are given an opportunity, a chance to arrange your life with the person you have fallen in love. Then the “state of love” permeates the relationship and all that you do together.
Continual
Your conscience is an indicator of behavior. One way of learning how to pay attention to your conscience (i.e., behavior) is by devoting yourself to another person within the confines of marriage. In marriage, your conscience becomes an indicator of behavior in relationship to your partner in the long run. Since you will be with your husband or wife for years of your life, you have to treat them in a manner that is “reciprocal and productive, that grows positively over decades.” A productive, positive, decades-long relationship is made up of moment-to-moment interactions, and it is from these moments that continual love blossoms in a relationship. And you have the opportunity to improve yourself in relation to your partner.
An Infinite Wellspring Of Mystery
When you fall in love with someone, Peterson explains that you see an infinite wellspring of mystery. It is granted as a gift, a gift you are willing to devote yourself wholeheartedly. Together, you can foster that infinite wellspring to continually pour forth. Sometimes, people think they are bored with their partner, but Peterson clarifies this, explaining that they are usually bored because of what they have forced the other person to become or because of their own lack of creative imagination on the intimate front. After all, people are infinite mysteries.
The Precondition For Marriage
Falling in love with someone is the precondition for marriage. You find them attractive, then you fall in love — both of which Peterson says are worthy of gratefulness. Your long-term partner is significantly more interesting than any plethora of short-term, shallow relationships, and life with an intimate relationship (marriage) is far more fulfilling than walking through life alone. The caveat? Living together is not commitment enough because “trying someone out” before marrying them — the equivalent of giving them a trial run — still allows for an option to leave. True commitment begins when you formally and publicly ally and bind yourselves together.
Support During The Worst Times Of Life
Once married, you will go through the worst times of your life with your husband or wife. But you are better situated to survive those times with a companion who loves you. When the storms come, you are part of a joint arc because you are committed to each other in a fundamental manner. You can share in contending with the harsh realities of all dimensions of life.
In the end, you can be oriented toward love and life more abundant. But how do you know you are in love? How do you know you can be married? How do you know you are ready? Peterson’s answer is: You don’t know. You decide. That is the act of faith.
[#item_full_content]
[[{“value”:”
Love is a deep and profound concept, both at an individual level and in society at large. Though a marriage based on companionship and attraction was not a readily accepted idea until, arguably, the Victorian era, the first marriage ceremony took place over 4,000 years ago. The evolving and historical practice of marriage — and love’s role in it — is perhaps most easily mapped through literature, as it reflects societal norms of its time. To name a few, both Plato (428-348 BC) and Aristotle (384-322 BC) parsed thoughts on love, the book of Numbers tells of Zimri and Cozbi’s story (and subsequent demise), William Shakespeare constructed an entire play around star-crossed lovers with “Romeo and Juliet” (1597), C.S. Lewis drew on the Greeks and Christian commentators’ thoughts to describe the types of love in “The Four Loves” (1960), and the “Twilight” series spent 274 weeks on the New York Times best-seller list in the early 2000s.
The stories of star-crossed lovers — Zimri and Cozbi, Romeo and Juliet among them — have enticed people to believe and even engage in relationships set up for failure, usually in the name of passion. After all, no records document Zimri and Cozbi as married, and Romeo and Juliet knew each other for all of 24 hours before their marriage ceremony. But what of relationships set up for success? Vampire Edward and human Bella certainly seemed to be on a star-crossed path headed for doom, but they took matters into their own hands, setting themselves up for success. They found a way to make their relationship work “till death do us part” — or, in their case, for the long haul of immortality.
In more recent years, Dr. Jordan B. Peterson has contributed to history’s collection of tales on love and marriage, the most obvious of which being his series “Marriage” in which he draws on both his clinical and personal experiences. In it, he teaches how to avoid a star-crossed path and, instead, pursue one that leads to fulfillment. Love is a complex notion. It takes a brilliant mind to discuss the role of one’s values in the act of love, to acknowledge the extent to which it affects consciousness, and to analyze how love can be applied practically in life. As an acclaimed clinical psychologist, author, educator, and Professor Emeritus at the University of Toronto, Dr. Peterson is that mind. Yet he is not of mind only. He is one of heart. Peterson approaches the subject of love as a father and husband, having married his wife in 1989 (two years before earning his PhD in clinical psychology). Even after all he has accomplished in his career, he still proclaims his marriage, his intimate relationship, to be the best part of his life.
You can divide your life into thirds: an intimate relationship (that is, marriage), family, and career — according to Peterson’s rule of thumb. In the present day, society generally views the trajectory of love between significant others as one which culminates in marriage. He believes a “profound and properly integrated and oriented intimacy” is found in the state of marriage, with love being a beautiful and foundational element to it. And he addresses love as both a verb and a noun. Merriam-Webster defines love as a verb meaning “to hold dear; to feel passion, devotion, or tenderness for; to take pleasure in; to touch or handle in a tender or loving manner.” The noun “love” is defined, “as in affection; darling; liking.” Essentially, marriage is an opportunity to act out love reciprocally in relation to the person with whom you have fallen in love.
In his “Marriage” series, Peterson parses thoughts on love in marriage, describing love as:
A Permeated State
Love is a “grace, a gift of God,” and when you fall in love, you experience what it is like to care for someone and receive care in return. When you enter into marriage, you engage in an act of faith. In a marriage, you are given an opportunity, a chance to arrange your life with the person you have fallen in love. Then the “state of love” permeates the relationship and all that you do together.
Continual
Your conscience is an indicator of behavior. One way of learning how to pay attention to your conscience (i.e., behavior) is by devoting yourself to another person within the confines of marriage. In marriage, your conscience becomes an indicator of behavior in relationship to your partner in the long run. Since you will be with your husband or wife for years of your life, you have to treat them in a manner that is “reciprocal and productive, that grows positively over decades.” A productive, positive, decades-long relationship is made up of moment-to-moment interactions, and it is from these moments that continual love blossoms in a relationship. And you have the opportunity to improve yourself in relation to your partner.
An Infinite Wellspring Of Mystery
When you fall in love with someone, Peterson explains that you see an infinite wellspring of mystery. It is granted as a gift, a gift you are willing to devote yourself wholeheartedly. Together, you can foster that infinite wellspring to continually pour forth. Sometimes, people think they are bored with their partner, but Peterson clarifies this, explaining that they are usually bored because of what they have forced the other person to become or because of their own lack of creative imagination on the intimate front. After all, people are infinite mysteries.
The Precondition For Marriage
Falling in love with someone is the precondition for marriage. You find them attractive, then you fall in love — both of which Peterson says are worthy of gratefulness. Your long-term partner is significantly more interesting than any plethora of short-term, shallow relationships, and life with an intimate relationship (marriage) is far more fulfilling than walking through life alone. The caveat? Living together is not commitment enough because “trying someone out” before marrying them — the equivalent of giving them a trial run — still allows for an option to leave. True commitment begins when you formally and publicly ally and bind yourselves together.
Support During The Worst Times Of Life
Once married, you will go through the worst times of your life with your husband or wife. But you are better situated to survive those times with a companion who loves you. When the storms come, you are part of a joint arc because you are committed to each other in a fundamental manner. You can share in contending with the harsh realities of all dimensions of life.
In the end, you can be oriented toward love and life more abundant. But how do you know you are in love? How do you know you can be married? How do you know you are ready? Peterson’s answer is: You don’t know. You decide. That is the act of faith.
“}]]
