Future Former Vice President Kamala Harris certified Donald Trump’s election victory this week, making Harris the first woman in history to admit she’d lost an argument. The majestic spectacle of the American transfer of power from a dementia-riddled corrupt-o-crat to a raving Berserker who wants to conquer Greenland took place on January 6, the fourth anniversary of the most horrible event in all of human history, a horrific insurrection comparable in horror to the horrors of World War II or the Holocaust except instead of blood-drenched continental devastation and the unimaginable atrocity of genocide, this was a guy in a Viking hat wandering around the Capitol aimlessly but horrible.
No one could forget where he was on that horrible day, so during the certification ceremony, I approached a young man walking past the capitol building and asked him: “Do you remember where you were on January 6?”
The young man replied, “Of course I do. I was walking past the capitol building when a man approached me and asked if I remembered where I was on January 6 and I told him I was walking past the capitol building when a man approached me and asked me where I was on January 6.”
I then explained that I wasn’t asking him if he remembered where he was this January 6, I was asking him if he remembered where he was on January 6, 2021. To which the young man replied, “What, are you joking? That was four years ago. Why the hell would I remember that?”
So there you have it. Memories seared by trauma into the very soul of our nation.
As America tried to move past that horrible moment when Donald Trump horribly tried to overturn by force the sovereign will of American people living and dead and entirely non-existent, the country hoped to turn the page by welcoming the new president, Donald Trump.
WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show
Meanwhile, the sitting president and occasionally barely standing president Joe Biden approached the end of an honorable career of public service, influence peddling, plagiarism and blowing with any political wind that might allow him to keep milking money out of his office for even another hour.
In a meditative interview with a potted spider plant he mistook for one of those new-fangled young podcasters with the crazy hair-dos, President Biden reflected on this great nation he has loved to the tune of about $30 million in payments from foreign nationals.
Biden said, “This is the United States, for God’s sake. You give your life to it, then the Democrats toss you into the gutter like you’re the Constitution and replace you with some half-black chick. When I was a young man, let me tell you, a girl like that would’ve been waiting tables, and bending close when she refilled my coffee cup to let me sniff her hair so I’d give her a whole dollar for a tip. Instead, she comes to me and says, ‘Joe, this ain’t your election.’ Not my election? I could’ve taken Trump apart. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it.”
As a gesture to show his deep feelings for the country that has paid him so well, Biden held a final ceremony to award the Presidential Medal of Freedom, our highest civilian award, to such patriots as George Soros, Hillary Clinton, Darth Vader, the Wicked Witch of the West, that drooling cave troll from Lord of the Rings who looks like a deformed King Kong wielding a huge death-hammer, and of course one of the convicts Biden pardoned who was on death row for killing and eating his wife and children after keeping them locked in a root cellar for 180 days. All the award recipients gathered at the White House for the ceremony, except for the cave troll, who refused to appear at the same event as George Soros, saying that would be beneath his dignity.
As the transfer continued, president-elect Trump prepared to take office by engaging in some brinkmanship with Chinese President Xi, sneaking up behind Xi and flicking him in the back of the head then shouting, “Ha, ha, ha, made you brink!”
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “The Andrew Klavan Show.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. He is the bestselling author of the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fourth installment, “A WOMAN UNDERGROUND,” is now available. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.
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[[{“value”:”
Future Former Vice President Kamala Harris certified Donald Trump’s election victory this week, making Harris the first woman in history to admit she’d lost an argument. The majestic spectacle of the American transfer of power from a dementia-riddled corrupt-o-crat to a raving Berserker who wants to conquer Greenland took place on January 6, the fourth anniversary of the most horrible event in all of human history, a horrific insurrection comparable in horror to the horrors of World War II or the Holocaust except instead of blood-drenched continental devastation and the unimaginable atrocity of genocide, this was a guy in a Viking hat wandering around the Capitol aimlessly but horrible.
No one could forget where he was on that horrible day, so during the certification ceremony, I approached a young man walking past the capitol building and asked him: “Do you remember where you were on January 6?”
The young man replied, “Of course I do. I was walking past the capitol building when a man approached me and asked if I remembered where I was on January 6 and I told him I was walking past the capitol building when a man approached me and asked me where I was on January 6.”
I then explained that I wasn’t asking him if he remembered where he was this January 6, I was asking him if he remembered where he was on January 6, 2021. To which the young man replied, “What, are you joking? That was four years ago. Why the hell would I remember that?”
So there you have it. Memories seared by trauma into the very soul of our nation.
As America tried to move past that horrible moment when Donald Trump horribly tried to overturn by force the sovereign will of American people living and dead and entirely non-existent, the country hoped to turn the page by welcoming the new president, Donald Trump.
WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show
Meanwhile, the sitting president and occasionally barely standing president Joe Biden approached the end of an honorable career of public service, influence peddling, plagiarism and blowing with any political wind that might allow him to keep milking money out of his office for even another hour.
In a meditative interview with a potted spider plant he mistook for one of those new-fangled young podcasters with the crazy hair-dos, President Biden reflected on this great nation he has loved to the tune of about $30 million in payments from foreign nationals.
Biden said, “This is the United States, for God’s sake. You give your life to it, then the Democrats toss you into the gutter like you’re the Constitution and replace you with some half-black chick. When I was a young man, let me tell you, a girl like that would’ve been waiting tables, and bending close when she refilled my coffee cup to let me sniff her hair so I’d give her a whole dollar for a tip. Instead, she comes to me and says, ‘Joe, this ain’t your election.’ Not my election? I could’ve taken Trump apart. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it.”
As a gesture to show his deep feelings for the country that has paid him so well, Biden held a final ceremony to award the Presidential Medal of Freedom, our highest civilian award, to such patriots as George Soros, Hillary Clinton, Darth Vader, the Wicked Witch of the West, that drooling cave troll from Lord of the Rings who looks like a deformed King Kong wielding a huge death-hammer, and of course one of the convicts Biden pardoned who was on death row for killing and eating his wife and children after keeping them locked in a root cellar for 180 days. All the award recipients gathered at the White House for the ceremony, except for the cave troll, who refused to appear at the same event as George Soros, saying that would be beneath his dignity.
As the transfer continued, president-elect Trump prepared to take office by engaging in some brinkmanship with Chinese President Xi, sneaking up behind Xi and flicking him in the back of the head then shouting, “Ha, ha, ha, made you brink!”
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “The Andrew Klavan Show.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. He is the bestselling author of the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fourth installment, “A WOMAN UNDERGROUND,” is now available. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.
“}]]
